The Meat Market

Sorry about the lack of a column this weekend but there wasn't much worth writing about and on top of that I was pretty busy. But enough excuses it's time to talk about one of the strangely intriguing sporting events of the year. That's right I'm talking about the NFL Combine. Watching the combine is pretty weird. It's never very exciting and is actually rather quite dull but then you look up at the clock and wouldn't you know you've been watching for an hour and a half. Here's some general thoughts on the event.

Kind of depressing when you realize that some of these guys are as old or are a few months older than I am. Their built like Greek gods and ready to make millions. I'm sitting on the couch in my boxers eating cereal watching them run forty yard dashes.

Every year all the positions seem to be absolutely ripped except the quarterbacks who are usually quite soft. Well this year Brady Quinn decided to change that and looked like an absolute beef cake. Seriously the guy's built like a body builder.

Another point on Quinn, he decided to do the bench press (he put up a 24 reps which is very good) after the strength coach running the event talked him into it and his agent told him not to. The announcers all said how this shows what a competitor he is but how can anyone view this as anything but a negative? Does he get talked into anything? Could I talk him into giving me 10% of his paycheck because that's what a real man would do?

Joe Thomas (the top Lineman in the draft) ran a 4.86 forty at over three hundred pounds. I would kill for a 4.86 forty at 170 some odd pounds.

Notice how bad the QB's looked throwing. They realize it's a job interview right. They were sailing 12 outs and were barely getting 5 yards depth on a five step drop. On my five step drop I get seven yards and I'm 5'11, Canadian and going nowhere. (Just a quick detour here. My first year in training camp our head coach at the time who has since been replaced told the QB's how we need to get 9 yards depth on a five step drop and how every pro did this. Thanks for the advice that was really helpful)

Overall I wasn't overly impressed with the players skill sets but the thing that separates them from everyone else is their size and speed combination. These guys are just freaks of nature. Calvin Johnson is like 6'2 230 and runs a 4.35

Anyways I gush over these guys physical stats because well I'm jealous. I wish I had there physical skills but sadly I don't. So any armchair players want to feel bad about them self just turn it to the NFL network anytime from now until late April and you can see what real men look and run like.

Greatest School

As promised the question of the best school is getting it's own column. Rather than build up the suspense and not write about it for a couple of months save for the occasional tease in other columns. I'm going to go the amateur route and give it to you right away. Why you ask? Well the answer is two fold. One, this way if the column sucks there was no big build up and you won't walk away disappointed and two, I have nothing else to right about. Now if that doesn't get you excited you need to check your pulse.

O.K. here's the criteria.
1) The school has to be in the United States. Even though I live in Canada it will make it much more interesting this way because other than McGill which is located in downtown Montreal there is pretty much slim pickings compared to our southern neighbors.

2) They have to have a NCAA division one 'A' football team. Otherwise it would get way too out of control.

3) The categories of judging include: quality of sports, weather, city, and anything intangible. That's it. If money is no object these are the only criteria you high school seniors need to be looking at when selecting colleges. No matter what people try to tell you about the importance of your education can you really compare going to Harvard versus getting to watch football games at Texas A&M as the 12th man? Didn't think so.

Just a quick note before I get started, there is in all likely hood going to be glaring omissions but I'll look the other way if you do.

On to the rankings.

Best in ACC
University of Miami: Unbelievable weather, unbelievable city, good athletics including football and baseball, only downside is it is dangerous there and the football team is on the downtrend.

Sleeper
Georgia Tech: Decent whether, big city, competitive sports

Best in Big 12
University of Texas: It's hot but at least it's never cold, the best sports scene in the country, Austin is an O.K city, a great intangible factor though is that Texas women are apparently gorgeous.

Sleeper
Texas A&M: Good sports, warm weather, Texas women, small town atmosphere, huge campus.

Best in Big East
University of South Florida: mediocre sports but great weather and a great city (Tampa) plus a nice big campus of largely undergraduate students.

Sleeper
University of Pittsburgh: crappy weather but good sports, underrated city and lots of professional sports

Best in Big 10
Ohio St: Bad weather but great sports and a fair sized city. Plus you get to annoy people by saying you got to "the Ohio State university."

Sleeper
Penn St: Crappy weather and out in the middle of nowhere which kind of sucks but is also kind of cool. Pretty good sports although it's declining.

Best in Conference USA
Tulane: Bad sports but good weather and a great city (New Orleans) it's a shame that the city is in the shape that it is.

Sleeper
Memphis: crappy sports, decent enough weather and a decent city.

There is no University worth mentioning in the Mid American conference so we're going to move on.

Best in Mountain West
University of Nevada Las Vegas: Great weather and possibly the best city in the country, who cares that the sports there suck.

Runner-Up
San Diego State: Some of the best weather in the country, cool city and the women largely out number the men. The only downside is the sports are bad.

Best in PAC 10
University of Southern California: Great weather, great sports, good city (but a bit overrated)

Runner-Up
UCLA: Pretty much the same as USC except just not as cool. I don't know what it is.

Best in SEC
University of Florida: Nice weather, great sports, not a great city but whatever.

Sleeper
University of South Carolina: good sports, nice weather but a shame it wasn't closer to the ocean.

Best in Sun Belt
Florida International: Located in Miami. All you need to know

Sleeper
Florida Atlantic University: Great weather, nice spot right on the south east coast of Florida in a small town, (Boca Raton) awful sports

Best in WAC
Hawaii: Best weather in the country and maybe the world, small city and exciting sports (football team). Only bad side is that you are pretty isolated out there.

Runner Up
Fresno St: Nice weather, surprisingly good sports, decent enough city.

Others
Notre Dame: Crappy weather but good sports and lots of history. Hard to judge just how cool it would be to go to the same school as Regis Philbin.

Alright now for the moment of truth, the top 10

10) South Florida
9) Tulane
8) Florida
7) Stanford
6) San Diego State
5) UCLA
4) Miami
3) Hawaii
2) UNLV
1) USC (The sports are just too good here)

The View from Here

Sorry about the delay but I wanted to write about Friday's Rookie game but the game was so bad that I didn't have enough material for a column so I decided to throw in Saturday festivities as well. Anyways to start off some thoughts about the Rookie Sophomore game.

• I always liked the Rookie Sophomore game and didn't really care if they played defence or not, so going in I had high hopes but at halftime when they were on pace for a 154-96 blowout I decided that was enough and didn't watch the rest of the game. I can't even tell you the final score nor will I spend the 30 seconds looking it up.

• No wonder the Sophomores won with Chris Paul and Deron Williams at the point. I could have suited up at the 3 and we'd be alright.

• The player that surprised me the most was Montae Ellis. Never even heard of the guy before tonight.

• My favorite part of these games is when the score widens and people are only concerned with getting their points. The number one offender has to have been the Raptors Garbajosa who jacked up about a half dozen threes that were all way off.

• I wonder if Adam Morrison cried at the end of the game? If anyone watched the whole thing let me know.

All Star Saturday Night

• Just like Simmons predicted there was unbelievable traffic causing the players to be late which I guess explains us watching a Rat Pack cover band to kill time.

• I was strangely intrigued by the Barkley VS Bavetta race and was shocked at the result. No not that Barkley won or that they kissed on the lips afterword but that this wasn't an hour long special on Fox.

• After seeing the intro of players I guess the cool new thing is to have your pants pulled up real high with your shirt tucked in. I hope that was I cruel joke so white posers can try and copy that.

• Most of the events were fairly unmemorable but I liked how the announcers tried to call the shooting stars competition like it was an actual event and it was nice to see LeBron coast through the skills competition after coasting through the first half of the season.

• Now after defending the dunk contest earlier in the week I was a little disappointed with the result. It was nice to see them implement the Nate Robinson rule which limited the amount of dunk attempts. It was the happy medium I was calling for. I also liked how MJ judged it difficult because the bar has been raised so high that even though those dunks were good, they didn't approach what was done before.

• Gerald Green has some real potential to be a great dunker. On that first dunk I swear his head is eye level with the rim.

• Robinson's first dunk was very good but last year he was better. It's a shame that the best dunks of the night (Gerald Green's first one from the side and this one) were right off the bat creating a let down.

• The sticker dunk wasn't that good. Is it that hard to slap a sticker on the back board and then just do an ordinary dunk? There's a reason why the judges (Who are some of the greatest dunkers of all time) gave it low marks.

• We need to convince Richardson, Iguodala, and Lebron to take part next year. Offer more money, have them wake up with a horse's head in their bed, whatever just get it done. David Stern I'm counting on you.

• After hearing all the hype about Vegas would there be a better place to go to college than UNLV? Actually I don't want to get into that now. It deserves a column of its own.

The Dunk Contest

This upcoming weekend at the NBA All star game there will be a contest of declining importance which seems to get beaten over the head year after year. Some of it is well deserved but most of it isn't. What is that contest you ask? Well unless you decided to not read the title of the column you already know I'm talking about the Dunk Contest.

I feel like I'm the only person on the planet who still gets excited for this thing and if you looked at it objectively you would get excited too. There is no disputing that the dunks are better than ever. What Iguodala threw down last year would have handily won the thing in almost every year and what Nate Robinson did easily trumped Spud Webb who seems to be on the permanent "I'm short and I won the dunk contest 20 years ago tour." So why does every columnist feel the need to rip it apart. Well here's the following reasons.

1) Every once and awhile the dunk contests actually suck. After the humongous 2000 dunk contest that put Vince Carter on the map and also featured Tracy McGrady and Steve Francis. We had to witness the 2001 cast of Desmond Mason, Deshawn Stevenson, Baron Davis, Jonathan Bender, Stromile Swift, Corey Maggette. A couple of good players but no real star power and it also didn't hurt the their dunks were awful. Just a major step backwards from the previous year. Go on youtube and watch Mason's winning dunk (if you can find it) I've seen better dunks at local dunk contests. 2002 wasn't any better with no real memorable dunks and 2005 wasn't all that great either. That's quite a lot of dry years which just kills any momentum that it tries to gain.

2) ill conceived ideas. There's two disastrous ideas that come to mind the first being in 2002 when they decided to have the dunk wheel. This was when you spin the wheel and then try to emulate the dunk you landed on. The announcers were ripping this idea on air and rightfully so. You had one foot jumpers (guys who jump for distance) having to do two foot jumpers (guys who jump for height) dunks and vice versa. Well at least they realized that idea sucked so they scrapped it the following year. Then in 2004 Jason Richardson killed the opening round. Just some of the best dunks of all time. Then in the finals he missed his dunks opening the door for a consistent but unspectacular Fred Jones win. Well the fans were upset so they decided to scrap that rule and allow as many chances as it takes to make the dunk. The result has been us being able to watch the Birdman Fly in 2005 and watching Nate Robinson try to make a dunk for half an hour. I have no idea what the solution to this problem is but there's got to be a happy medium that rewards the best dunker of the night and doesn't penalize going for broke but still doesn't object us to 2000 dunk attempts.

3) I've mentioned this earlier but no big stars want to do this unlike the old days where there was some real star power. This doesn't really bother me because I just want to watch the best dunkers but every columnist will mention how MJ, Wilkins, Dr. J and to a lesser extent Drexler used to compete in them.

So after all of the negativity why do I still think the dunk contest is worthwhile? Well the biggest reason is it's entertaining. I remember back in 2000 when the Raptors (my team) had their two best players in it and Vince Carter absolutely stole the show. The dunks were great and the energy was off the charts. The energy has never been the same which is too bad because there have been better dunks since then. I know that was seven years ago but there has been some great dunk contests since then. 2003 was absolutely off the charts. Jason Richardson (the most underrated dunker of all time in my opinion) was at his apex and put down the best non "And 1" dunk I've ever seen to win the contest. I still remember it so clearly. Desmond Mason just nailed a between the legs dunk and Kenny Smith said that was one of the ten best dunks he's ever seen. Richardson has one dunk left and needs close to a perfect score to win. He lobs the ball in the air, jumps, catches it puts it between his legs and then reverse dunks it as the crowd goes nuts. In 2004 the conclusion wasn't great but Richardson again had some of the greatest dunks of all time in the opening round including the impossible of the glass between the legs dunk. 2006 had a great opening round with Robinson making some impressive dunks and Igoudala throwing down some creative and legendary dunks. This would have been remembered as a classic if the refs wouldn't have robbed Iguodala and made it a tie so it would go into over time. Then we got to watch Robinson try harder to score than a nerd on prom night.

So see there's still some life to the dunk contest. Get excited there's a good chance (OK. 50/50 chance) you won't be disappointed.

Here's my list if I could set up a dunk contest with 8 all time great dunkers.
1970's Dr J.
1980's Dominique Wilkins
1980's MJ
early 2000's Kobe Bryant
early 2000's Vince Carter
mid 2000's Jason Richardson
Current Andre Iguodala
Current LeBron James

I don't care how clutch MJ was I still say Richardson takes it.

Simplicity

We're officially into the abyss and rather than try to write another piece about sports I'm going to throw you a curve ball today and give you a list of the greatest simple pleasures for the average male. So when your sitting there Sunday afternoon with nothing to do I got some cheap easy things to make the next month go by as painlessly as possible. Although some will clearly not be an option. Anyway on to the list.

1) Bowling: Way more fun than it should be especially when it's cold outside. Depending on the time you go the clientele can be iffy but nevertheless good times all around.

2) Trail Mix: trail mix is delicious and I'll fight you to the death if you say otherwise. One of the greatest synergies ever when you combine fruit and nuts.

3) Watching your old sporting events: Nothing like firing up the DVD player and watching myself in the Peewee football playoffs. Gives me chills every time.

4) Throwing a perfect spiral: Can be an elusive trick at times but very satisfying when accomplished.

5) NFL on Saturday's: How many of you have been watching the NFL and think to yourself damn, tomorrow I have to go to work/school only to realize it's only Saturday. Really cool feeling.

6) Starting a dynasty in NCAA football then uploading your players to Madden: I feel like I'm actually invested in these make believe players. You recruit them out of high school play with them for four seasons then get to play with them in Madden. I actually get sad when they retire from Madden and realize I'll never play with them again.

7) Watching a high school level sporting event in person: Not to sound weird but go to the right game and feel the energy and the players playing for the sheer joy and with all of the opportunities still in front of them. Very refreshing.

8) Watch and old timers pick up game: Weird to see them play. Some guys just enjoying the game and having fun others taking it very serious and trying to recapture lost glory. Hope I never turn into the latter.

9) Bruce Springsteen singing "The River" live: Gives me goosebumps every time

10) Those first few days in the spring when it gets warm: Just something I can't explain to people living in warm climates. It's been cold for months and then it finally is warm for a day. I would however rather live in a warm climate and never get to experience this feeling.

11) Being out in the country and staring at the stars: Especially in the summer makes you feel really insignificant.

12) The first time you bench press two plates (225): If you work out regularly this happens when your still a teenager and it makes you feel like a man.

13) First kiss, first time etc.: I'll throw every experience with the opposite sex in here. Kind of weird at the start but keeps getting better.

14) Meeting up with old high school buddies: Can be depressing for some but I've only had good times with this. Also applies to college buddies but considering I'm still in college I wouldn't know.

15) Finding money on the ground: I just found five bucks on the ground a couple days ago and I'm still pumped.

16) Pizza: Even bad Pizza is good.

17) Cheap gas: So it hurts the environment. Big deal, I like cheap transportation.

18) Getting the parking spot right out front: You step out of the car and take a good look around. Savour the moment.

19) Winning: Doesn't matter what, winning is winning.

20) accomplishing something early: doesn't happen often but is a big load of your mind when it does.

21) Helping others: No really

There's probably many others but that's the list for now. Sorry I kind of got a little deep on you but I was feeling rather philosophical today. I promise the next column will be about sports.

Running Raptors

So football is finally over unless of course you count the Pro Bowl but since all football all star games at any level suck it's safe to say football is done for another year. I would like to say it went out with a bang but it definitely went out more like a whimper with Rex Grossman just tossing up picks and a very anti climatic ending of neither a blowout nor a close final quarter. On top of all that I decided to try to mix things up and pick with my heart instead of my head. A fitting end to a horrible playoff picks section. But spring is almost in the air and it's time for rebirth. We're still a month away from the sheer decadence that is march madness but for now my attention will turn to that other basketball league, the NBA.

Granted I haven't been watching much lately but apparently now the Raptors are good and with me living in Southern Ontario I feel it's time. Yup get out of my way and make room on the bandwagon because The Lancer is jumping on! (I promise that will be the last time I refer to myself in third person nickname or use an exclamation point)

So before I dive right into the games I decided to do a little research about the team.

Starting Lineup
Chris Bosh: averaging 23 and 10 and also displaying some shot blocking presence. It's going to be a shame when he bolts when his contract is up.

TJ Ford: 15 points 7.5 assists and 1.2 steals. Looking back it probably was the right move to trade for him. We've got like 15 guys built just like Charlie V and other than a stud center, point guard is the toughest position to find and in the new NBA it's more valuable than any other position. Although I'm wary of any grown man who still goes by initials.

Anthony Parker: 12 points 3 rebounds .436 from three point line. I hope this guy is a stud on defence because he's the only Raptor to start every game and I'd much rather take Mo Pete over him.

Jorge Garbajosa: 8 points 2 assists 5 rebounds. Bargnani cannot be ready soon enough.

Rasho Nestorvic: Very low minutes for a starter but still how can a seven foot center only average 4.7 rebounds? I'm pretty sure I could average 4.7 rebounds

Subs
Morris Peterson: 11 points 4 rebounds and only .380 from behind the line. Disappointing considering last year but get Parker out of there and he'll return to his old self.

Andrea Bargnani: 10 points and 3.6 rebounds but getting better all the time. Still it's a little disconcerting when your number one overall draft picks name is Andrea.

Jose Calderon: 9 points 5 assists. If only this were the world championships he'd be MVP.

Fred Jones: 8 points 2 rebounds and his minutes are declining by the day.

Joey Graham: 6 points 3 rebounds. How does this guy get a free pass? He's barely gets minutes and puts up no stats. It's not like he's that young either. He spent four years in college.

Bunch of others who don't log much minutes

So after looking at this team you can only wonder how they're starting to win. Then you realize their playing in the east and it all makes sense. Second round of the NBA playoffs here we come.

Super Bowl

So the big game is finally here and I'm not as excited as I thought I would be but I'm still fairly pumped. Everyone dodged a bullet by getting the Bears, Colts match-up. While the major story lines this week have been about the first time two African American coaches made it to the Super Bowl, Peyton Manning maybe winning it all and no one picking the Bears to win just think of what it could have been if the Saints or the Patriots made it. It could of been two weeks of the Patriots dynasty and about how heroic the Saints are. Don't get me wrong what happened to Louisiana was awful but the Saints play football. There are thousands of more heroic people in Louisiana than the Saints and I think I'd rather eat feces than listen to people talk about the Patriots dynasty. (Sorry I had to be graphic but that's how much I loathe the Patriots)

A couple of thoughts before my big pick.

1. The most enjoyable part of Super Bowl week wasn't the clip of an adolescent Manning dancing but him explaining it seriously on Media day. Try and watch the clip while Manning explains it in split screen and try not to laugh. Go ahead try.

2. After reading a week's worth of Bill Simmons columns on how great Miami was it officially made the list of places I must see before I get married currently occupied by Vegas, Amsterdam, anywhere in Southern California and Salt Lake City. Now you're probably wondering why Salt Lake City is on the list and here it is, I have it on good authority that the women from Salt Lake City are unbelievably attractive. How does this happen in the middle of nowhere? See I have to find out if this is true.

3. Found out Bears defensive tackle Israel Idonije went to the same high school as a guy on my team. Apparently he didn't start playing football until he was a senior and didn't dress at the University of Manitoba until his third year. I started playing football when I was nine and started dressing in university my second year. He's in the NFL and I'm going nowhere. Kind of depressing.

Alright on to the pick.
Bears VS Colts (-6.5)
Winner: Bears
My head says the Colts but my heart says the Bears and considering my playoff record is awful might as well buck the trend and go with my heart.

A couple of things work in my favor.
1. Almost everyone has been picking the Colts and the majority is usually wrong.

2. Grossman as been quite effective against the Cover 2 which is the defence the Colts play.

3. The Colts defence was awful against the run all season.

4. Peyton Manning has been terrible in the playoffs and there's more pressure on him than anyone.

Still it seems more likely that Manning will have a great game after having to weeks to prepare and that Grossman will try to do too much and turn the ball over. But still I want to root for the Bears on Sunday so I'm going to talk myself into believing the above four points will reign supreme.

No seriously.